So after leaving that serious post up there all week I was all prepared to come in today and write something lighter, mostly because I get sick of my serious self pretty fast and also because I really do feel a lot better than I did before I wrote it all out. That's very much thanks to you, bloggy friends. Thank you.
So I'm sorry because I got an email this morning that pissed me off, and while I'm trying for it to not ruin my day, I keep thinking about it and being a little peeved.
So. Another vent. Then I'll stop for a while, really.
My best friend is not able to come to my baby shower. Now. That's not really a big deal, normally. The problem is, that her reason makes me feel really kind of crummy. She's running in a 8K that morning, and because she has friends coming to see her run, she doesn't think she can do both. (It is not a charitable, or fund-raising run. It's just for fun.) For anything else, I might understand that. But.
1.) These friends who are going to see her run are new friends. She and I have known each other since we were 6, we went to grammar school, high school, and college together and roomed together. Apparently, I don't rate.
2.) I sent her the shower date back in January, the day I found out about it, because I knew she's busy and wanted to be sure to let her know right away because I thought it was important that she be there.
3.) For her bridal shower last year, I had my godson's first communion that same day. I went to my godson's first communion ceremony, and then didn't go to the family party, in order to go to her shower. I thought both were important and figured out a way to do both.
4.) The run is in the morning. The shower is in the early afternoon. She could even be late and I'd be happy that she came at all. She thinks that "with those friends gathered, it would be really awkward for me to race away right after crossing the finish line." Apparently much less awkward than just blowing me off.
5.) I'm not surprised. I could have guessed that something more important would come up, and I'd get blown off again. She's done it before. I think she figures it's okay since we've known each other so long and have been such good friends that it doesn't matter. (In my dark, depressed, cynical moments I feel like she's only friends with me until someone better comes along, and then when they go, I'm back. It's not true, but it feels like it, sometimes. There was a whole cruddy episode in college that drove that home, and maybe I'm just not over it.)
She feels bad, blah blah, she wants to take me out to dinner to give me a gift for the baby (as if that's what it's about. To go off on a tangent here for a moment, I kind of wish the baby shower were just a fun party and no one felt obligated to bring gifts at all, but my mother was having none of that.) I don't really want to answer her right now.
I don't know. I guess I'm being overly sensitive. I forwarded her email to Mr. Fro and prefaced it with, "Continuing the grand tradition. I think I should go on tour with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog for him to poop on, because it's my natural role in life. (Okay, I'm being dramatic. But. Sheesh. I need a hug.)" He emailed back that he'd give me an e-hug if he knew what the emoticon was for that. He guesses that we'll need an extra order of mozzarella sticks with Pizza Night tonight.
*frump*
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9 comments:
Awwwwwwwwww I'm sorry. I would feel pretty bummed about that also. *BIG HUGS*
Your DH is cute wanting to find the emoticon for an e-hug.
*BIG E-HUG* You're right; she's wrong. Plain and simple. Have some cookies or ice cream with that pizza tonight, too.
Hugs to you!
I have some yummy pistachio-almond ice cream in the freezer, would you like some?
It sucks she's not there for the shower, but I think the fact she's taking you for a nice dinner kinda makes up for that.
It shows she does want to spend some time with you and isn't it better to spend some time just with her than at a shower?
Bob <-- has never actually been at a shower.
I'm with Bob. At least, that's how I'd feel (knowing that I hate showers). But it's not about what's important to me, it's about how important it is to you.
You are hurt, you are valid in feeling hurt. Decide if it's worth hashing out with the friend. If it is? Go ahead and say you are a little bummed and feeling less important than her new friends. It's a fair thing to do. Don't, however, tell her it SHOULD be the most important thing to her. You'll just sound diva-ish and she'll be defensive. After all, I don't think this is about the symbolism of a shower as it is about loyalty and friendship.
I shouldn't have said I hate showers. I hate public present opening. The socializing? That's all cool with me. I enjoy the chatting and the snacks. I sometimes even enjoy a game or two.
Kim is smart! I totally agree with this: Go ahead and say you are a little bummed and feeling less important than her new friends. It's a fair thing to do. Don't, however, tell her it SHOULD be the most important thing to her.
{{{hugs}}}
Thanks, all.
I've calmed down about it. For what it's worth, I don't think it should be the most important thing to her, and I wouldn't tell her that. I'm just disappointed. If it were me, I'd choose her, but in reality, I need to be careful not to judge her based on what I would do.
Yes, I'm hurt, but I don't think there's a way to tell her without sounding diva-ish, and I'm probably the furthest thing from diva-ish about this as I can get. It's not about the shower, it's about being choice #2. I'm very often choice #2 with her, and it just plain doesn't feel good.
Short version: I feel dumped. It is nice of her to offer to take me to dinner, but I'd really like it better not to feel dumped. If there weren't a history of her doing this to me, I'd have not thought much of it. It's just familiar.
I hate public present opening, too. I wouldn't have a shower if it were up to me, but it isn't. That's why it's sort of stupid that I even care at all, and I really need to just get over myself.
But thank cod for showers. Babies are expensive. :-)
*smooch* Feeling friend-dumped sucks.
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