So.
My family-in-law is imploding. There is a rift between Mr Fro's sister's family and Mr. Fro's brother's family over something that happened in August. It has nothing to do with my family. We were present at the offending event but it had nothing to do with us (thankfully.) In short, my BIL has cut-off ties with my SIL's family.
Of course, we have Jeff's baptism and party on Sunday. Because of the rift, SIL's family is coming, but BIL's family is not. I've known that for a while. Back when the rift happened I knew that even though we're not involved, that our family would be affected because really, how could we not be? So when I sent the invitation for the baptism, I knew it has the potential to start a shitstorm.
Well, it did. I made it quite clear that I didn't want my kid's party to be the scene for any sort of confrontation so if BIL's decision was to skip it in order to make the day about Jeff and not about "what's going to happen when they're in the same room" then that would be that. And that's what he decided. Fine - I'm not offended. Annoyed, yes, but not offended. The bottom line is that the day be focused on Jeff, not on family squabbles.
Well! Mr. Fro's parents did not know that BIL's family wasn't coming. Until this morning. I got a call from my MIL asking if I knew and then talking for a half hour about the whole thing. I had to be very careful to remain very neutral because I AM NOT GETTING INVOLVED. Argh. My MIL is upset that everyone can't just get along and my FIL is livid and is not not talking to BIL. Which is bad, because he's living with them.
Did I mention that? Oh, yeah, Mr. Fro's parents sold their house a couple of weeks ago and are spending the month before their new house is ready living with. . . wait for it. . . SIL's family for two weeks and BIL's family for two weeks. HA! They just moved out of SIL's house and moved in with BIL over the weekend. This means that come Sunday, BIL's family is staying home while my parents-in-law are coming to the baptism. That's something that I knew, but that the PIL's just found out. That'll be a scene tonight. Possibly Sunday, too. Mark my words.
(Sometimes it pays to have a house that's too small to have long-term guests.)
It gets better.
So if you think that holding a grudge is something that my BIL and SIL invented, you'd be wrong. Years ago, my FIL and his sister had a falling out that resulted in his cutting HER off. I have only seen her twice, both at neutral family events. Her family didn't come to my wedding or to any family events in the past 10 years.
When Jeff was born, I sent her a birth announcement. I'm a peacemaker like that. She sent a lovely gift and a card saying how happy she was that we sent her the announcement and shared our joy with her. Okay, then, that's nice! SO. . .
I invited her to the baptism.
She's coming.
My Father in law doesn't know this.
Muahahahahahaha.
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10 comments:
Muahahaha! What a brilliant strategy! Redirect attention from the recent stupid rift by bringing an old stupid rift front and center! I love it!
First: May Jeff and his family have a happy and nurturing baptism free from unnecessary drama.
Second: I just don't get it when family members go all hard-assed on each other & bad-mouth each other & cut each other off & worse. I just don't get it. I have a couple of BILs I don't particularly care for so I just don't seek them out at family events. End of problem. It's not that hard.
I don't get it either, Swami. It's certainly not my style. Blessed are the peacemakers.
The funny thing about the stupid rifts is that my FIL is all angry at my BIL and doesn't understand how he could possibly cut off my SIL because they're brother and sister and family is important and all that. When. . . hello. . . he did the Exact. Same. Thing. I must have said to Mr. Fro 100 times, "does your dad not realize the irony here? Does he not realize that HE set this example?"
So maybe I was giggling a bit when I sent the invitation to the aunt. Just a bit. I giggled a lot when she RSVPed yes.
I'm sure my Father in law will be peeved at me but it's my guest list. Not his.
In the mean time, my side of the family has pretty much unilaterally neglected to RSVP. At all. Wonderful!
I think you are setting a wonderful example, whether they realize it or not. You are doing your best to surround Jeff and Lauren with their family.
You know, my feeling is, if the family wanted to make it ok for you and the kids, they could. They simply choose to be small minded and self-absorbed. It's sad, really. If I were in their shoes, I'd come for 30 minutes, avoid talking to the people that I was peeved at, and leave with my civility. It's not that hard.
Now, if it were a thing like someone accused another family member or rape or murder, that would be a whole other can of worms. But even suspected theft I could be a bigger person and make a civil appearance.
I think you are doing the right thing by not getting involved in the drama. You inviting your dad's sister is proof you can rise above it. Don't let their problems run your (and your children's) life. Good for you.
Man, family quibbles. *sigh
My brother and I didn't talk for 8 yrs. I know, hard to believe, huh? Betrayal, hurt feelings and lies will do that. But as we both grew up we realized family was much more important than just about anything else. Here's hoping the in-laws realize that one day.
*hands Fro a cup of camomile tea
Well, after Sunday, I can pretty much guarantee that your FIL won't think of you as any sort of option to get out of BIL's. :)
Sorry Frody. That sucks. And like others said, I think you are right. Your party. Your guest list. Good for you.
Oh, and I have no rocks for you to hide under. I threw them all at my co-workers.
It's not rape, murder, or theft, Kim. My BIL is angry because my SIL's husband waited a day to apologize for something dumb that he did instead of apologizing same-day. So when he did apologize the next day it wasn't accepted.
Oh Frody. I'm so sorry.
Major suckitude. But wasn't there a little tiny part of you that just relished inviting your FIL's sister to fan some flames?
I would have been doing an evil dance by the mailbox.
I gave up on my SIL when she looked me in the eye and said, out of the blue, "Well, I guess you walked right into an inheritance" And she was sober.
Would it be wrong of me to start trolling for your blog update on Monday?
Every, and I mean, every family has this going on. In spite of it, I hope you have a lovely, memorable baptism.
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